Goodbye and Hello

Is this what love is supposed to feel like? And if so what's the point? I just can't understand why everyone, me included would spend there whole lives chasing down something that makes me feel the way I feel down. And why can't he just understand how I feel and why I feel that way. Scratch that because I know he understands but why can't he care. Does he want me to leave? I'm starting to think that maybe he does. But here is my fear. I'm afraid that even though he treats me the way that he does, me leaving for good is going to wake him up and he's going to treat the next woman the way he should have treated me. I want so bad to be that next woman. I want for him to want me and to act like it. That's all I ask for. I don't think that's "being too hard oh him". And I'm angry now. So angry because I waisted so much of my timing hoping and wishing that things would get better for me. I put so much energy into thinking that one day he'd change. And now here I am older but still in the same predicament as before. Nothing's changed. Even though he pretended to change for me the fact still remains that he doesn't care enough about me or this marriage to change for me. And not just change this, he hasn't changed anything. All the things he's pretended to change were lies. Lies that he hid all this time. How can I be with someone who has lied our whole relaitionship. How can I ever trust him? I wish I had some of the answers. All I do know now is it's time for me to move on. Time for me to finally start to think about me and my baby. I don't know how I'm going to do it but I am. Somehow I'm going to come up with the finances and the strenghth and I'm out.