Wow! Looking back at my thoughts from 6yrs ago it's so hard to believe that I stayed. Not one happy post regarding my marriage. Not one kind word about the man I am stuck with for ever. And not much has changed. Six years later he is still uncaring. My marriage is one that lacks love. It lacks communication. It lacks physical touch, togetherness. It lacks love. The only time we get along is when we smoke. Yes, we smoke now. I've changed the fibers of my being for this man. Nothing about me is who I used to be and all for his benefit. But you think he has changed for me? Lol. Have you read any of my past posts? Hell no he hasn't changed. He told me today that we can't eat in his car anymore which is cool whatever. I get wanting to keep your car clean so fine . But instead of just leaving it at that he then goes on to say if he catches one more bag of food in his car I can't drive it anymore. Really?! I can't drive it anymore? After you drove my shit for 6yrs straight. After all the times I begged you not to smoke in my shit cause I had a child. After all the times I begged you to turn my stereo down before you get out the car so you don't damage my child's ears. Not once did I ever tell you you couldn't drive my shit. But now that you done got me to give up my shit now I can't drive your shit?! Fuck you nigga. He gonna tell me that if he make it in the music industry he gonna give me an allowance and Imhe still ain't paying for a maid. But my stupid ass go to a job I hate everyday and hand you my fuckin card. You got more access to my money than I do but Ima get an allowance? And that's love. I cannot believe I'm out here. I'm still buying your fuckin weed and broke as shit doing it but ima get an allowance. I'm tired. I wish I'd cheated. I honestly wish I had someone I'd been cheating with all along. Someone who by now would love me no doubt and love Aiona. If I did I leave in such a hurry. No chance I'd still be in this hell whole. As soon as I find a way. ..
