On the way

Don't understand how I got here. I know I wasn't supposed to ever come back but for some reason here I sit. How did I get here and more importantly, how do I find my way out? I promised myself after him that I'd never let anyone else hurt me. Never let anyone close enough to hurt me and I lied. I lied to me. How could I allow you to get in? I thought this was forever. Guess I was mistaken huh? Forever minus a lifetime or two. I want to tell you I hate you, but I'd be lying. Because if i hated you I wouldn't even care. But I'm angry that I know. I'm so damn angry at you.....and huuuuuurt. Oooooh am I hurt. You really did me in. I believed you. All the while I believed you and all the while you were lying. How could you? How could I? I just don't understand. Why can't we mean the world to you. Why can't I be your world? Why can't you love me enough to give me what it is I need or be who I need you to be? Why can't you be who you told me you were. I can't understand. I used to be pretty enough, or fun enough, I used to have guys that wanted to be with me. What happened with you? What is it about me that makes it so hard for you to want me. You taught me a very valuable lesson. I'll never let anyone else in. My heart is closed as of now. I'll never let another as close to me as you got. I'll never love again.....as hard as that is to say, the alternative would be 10 times harder and I can't do it again. I'm going to pick up my heart and all my pieces throw them in a duffle bag and hit the road and I won't look back because I can't look back. If I do I'll never leave. I love you.....I swear I do, but it has to be over for me :(